Stupid Cupid
by rchcc122
Summary: Bored one day, Cupid decides to show himself to the world, and what better way than to make two countries fall in love? But, for some reason, his aim is off today. VERY off. US/UK, Russia/UK, AmericaxLatvia, LithuaniaxAustria


**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia in any way, shape, or form. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfiction about it?**

**This is my first Hetalia fic, actually, so sorry if it sucks. I sorta had A Midsummer Night's Dream on the mind, not sure where Cupid came in. But he's here. Something that I've been questioned on:**

**Q: Isn't Cupid a Greek god?**

**A:Well, yes and no. Eros is a Greek god, he is the son of Aphrodite. His counterpart is Cupid, son of Venus in the Roman myths. The difference is mostly in who they are. Italians are much more likely to draw Cupid as the cute little baby with wings and an arrow. The Greeks depict him as more of a teenager.**

**Anyway, sorry for any crappyness, this is an entry to an _Axis Powers Hetalia United Nations_ rp board. Enjoy!**

* * *

The young, Roman diaper-wearing god sighed as he laid on his back, staring up into the black abyss of the sky. There was one problem with being immortal: Eternal boredom. He turned over onto his stomach to look down at Earth. Was there anything interesting going on? Anything at all?

His eyes went to Italy, where his past believers used to be. The god sighed. He used to have such fun tales told about him. They were all so nice and worshipped him. But now, in this new world, people seemed to have forgotten all about him. He sat up, crossing his arms in a huff as his brown curls bounced with his movements.

No. They couldn't forget about him. He was cupid. He stood up, looking down. He would return to Italy. There he would find a way to show the world that he was still there. He spread his wings, looking back just briefly to makes sure his mother, Venus, or father, Mars, weren't watching. No. They weren't. He grinned a toddler's mischievous grin before his wings started to pump against the air, bow in hand, quiver on his back as the naked child shot down to Earth.

* * *

Cupid fluttered above the streets of northern Italy, trying to find something that he could use to show his presence to the world. Maybe he could start with some couples? Shooting a few people and make them fall in love so people notice something up. No… that would be too slow.

Invisible to the mortals that walked about the earth, Cupid sighed and sat down on one of the benches, his elbows at his knees before his head dropped into the palm of his hands. How was he going to do this?

"Italy! Stop goofing off!"

_Italy? _Cupid's eyes moved up, looking towards the voices. _Did he just call that guy Italy?_

"Ahhh, Germany, I don't want to go to the meeting today, it's too nice outside to be stuck in a conference room."

_Germany? Conference?_ Cupid listened closer.

"You have to go. As do I. The last thing I need is England getting on me for being late."

_England?_ Cupid started piecing the words together, his eyes widening at his realization. _Are they really… countries?_ He had heard about such a thing up in the heavens, and it seemed those myths seemed to be every bit as real as the ones surrounding himself. A large smile stretched across the toddler's face. If this was what he thought it was, then it could be the perfect thing to get his message across! Maybe making mortals fall in love wouldn't do anything, but making countries fall in love? That was pure genius!

* * *

Cupid had trailed both Germany and Italy all the way to the meeting, following them into the conference room. The two of them weren't the last to arrive yet they weren't exactly the first. The first were two countries he could recognize just by looking at them. America and England. England seemed to be chastising America over something, but Cupid wasn't paying attention to what. Instead, he saw his opportunity.

Sure England was berating him, but Cupid was a master of love. He could see the care in his eyes. What better countries to have fall in love than two of the strongest? And all they needed was that little push in the right direction. Cupid raised his bow, hidden from their sight though the tales he had heard said that only England should be able to see him. He pulled back the string, aiming the gold-headed arrow right at England's heart. He grinned, he would show the world.

His fingers released the arrow and he watched anxiously, waiting for it to hit its mark.

"Hello there Engla- ow!"

Cupid gulped. _No. No, no, no, no!_ He could only watch in pain as he saw what happened next. Russia was rubbing his upper back where the arrow had hit, having just entered the room and approached the two. The arrow vanished in a shower of gold sparkles invisible to all but Cupid.

But like they say there is an exception to every rule, and the exception to this one was England. England noticed the sparkles, but thanks to Cupid's ability to find a good hiding spot, he didn't see anything else and passed it off as nothing before he heard the four words he never thought he would hear in his immortal life.

"England, I love you." The entire room froze, entire meaning Germany, Italy, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Cupid, England, and- most of all- America.

"What?" America mouthed, looking from Russia to England and back.

"Hold on a minute, Russia," England glanced over to America. No. He didn't need Russia to be in love with him. Besides, he loved someone else!

"But, dear England, you are the only warmth I can find for my cold heart," He moved forward, arms outstretched to entrap England in a lover's grasp. England backed away.

"Stop this right now, you obviously aren't feeling well," He felt the taller man's arms grip his body.

"Please, dear England, surely you can't push me away in good conscience of my feelings for you, da?" he lowered his head, holding England close; his breath was warm against England's neck as he gently caressed the flesh with his lips.

Germany placed a hand over a confused Italy's eyes before speaking to his friend, "We should leave until the meeting starts."

"What? Why?"

"Don't ask questions. Let's get you some pasta, okay?"

"Yay! Pasta!" Italy happily bounced out of the room, followed by Germany who glanced one last time at the scene before shuddering. He really didn't need to see any of that.

America, on the other hand, was fighting back the pain in his own heart at seeing Russia do that to England. No. Only he was allowed to do that. He moved to them, putting his hands on Russia's large arm, trying to pull him off. But he was only pushed away.

"Not now, America, I am in the middle of something, da?" He spoke, breathing against England's neck as he nibbled at it little, moving up his neck to his jaw line. England looked over at America with a firm look that frankly said 'get him the hell off of me.' America returned to Russia, trying to pull him away.

"Russia! Get off of him right now!" He demanded, he was going to be the hero here. He was going to save England.

Cupid watched the scene with panic, he hated when this happened. Oh well, there was only one thing to do. He had to break the spell and start over. Luckily breaking the spell of Cupid's arrow wasn't the most difficult thing to do... if you were Cupid that is. All it required was being shot with another of the same kind of arrow to cancel out the magic. So he took another gold-headed arrow and aimed it at Russia. He'd just have to fire this and everything would be normal. He released the arrow from the bow, watching as it flew through the air.

"Russia! Stop this right now! Get off of England!"

"Will you please stop this, da?" Russia lifted his head, looking at America with annoyance in his eyes before he pushed America away with just a single strong sweep of his arm. America stumbled behind Russia, losing his balance, but before he fell he felt a sharp sting in his chest.

_Gyraagh! No! _Cupid could only watch as the arrow burst into golden sparkles, vanishing into nothingness. He held his breath as he watched one of the Baltic brothers bend over, putting a hand on America's shoulder.

"America, are you okay?" America lifted his head, staring into the eyes of the small country. And then there were another four words nobody ever expected to hear.

"Latvia, I love you," he stood up straight, moving forward towards him, his arms gently embracing him.

"America?" England breathed, watching the scene despite the lips on his neck. Okay. This was just too weird, even by England's standards. And yet, he had seen it once again. The sparkles. The golden sparkles. There was only one explanation, but wasn't he supposed to be bothering people in Rome? Rome… Italy… Italy was just here… This was Italy's fault. He swore inwardly, continuing to push against Russia. If his suspicions were correct, then he would just have to hope that that good-for-nothing god would hurry up and fix this.

"A-A-America?" Latvia looked up into the bright blue eyes of the much larger country. His body shaking as he felt the strong arms around him. This wasn't right. He didn't love America, and America didn't love him. America loved England. Everyone knew that. Even if they didn't admit it, it was obvious. Then why was America going after him and Russia going after England? It didn't make any sense.

The next thing Latvia felt was the feel of America's lips brushing against his forehead, moving down to his nose, and then moving towards his lips. Latvia jerked out of the aim of the kiss, causing America to blink, "What are you doing, my love? I just want to kiss your soft, gentle lips."

"Um… America…" he started to tremble, unsure of how to get the more powerful country off of him. He tried pushing him just a little, but he doubted America even felt it. Lithuania couldn't hide the surprise on his face as he watched America press himself against the smallest of the trio. This was America, right? Wasn't he the one who was always going on and on about how he was the hero? And now he was making moves on Latvia?

America's lips gently caressed Latvia's, the taste of hamburgers and chocolate shakes coating them. He was careful not to harm Latvia and his touches were gentle as one hand slowly moved down to the bottom button of Latvia's shirt. Latvia's hands shot up, gently touching America's hands, "N-no, let's not do that yet." Maybe suggestion would be better than resistance?

"Whatever makes you happy, my sweet Latvia," he said with a soft tone as he lowered his hands from the buttons, kissing him gently. Latvia was looking out of the corner of his eyes, pleading for help from one of the other Baltic countries. Both of them seemed unsure of what to do or how to help.

England wasn't so lucky. His back was pressed against the wall as Russia kissed down his neck, one hand working on removing the Englishman's shirt from his chest. England was still fighting against him, his arms held together high up on the wall by one of Russia's large hands, "Russia! I am not your love! Get off of me! America!"

But America wasn't listening; instead he was seducing his own new object of love. Latvia was pressed tightly against the American's body, America's lips against his, arms holding him with care.

Cupid just gaped at the situation. Okay. This was just going from bad to worse. He hadto fix things. _Now. _He pulled yet another arrow out of his quiver, he looked back to see how many he had left. He only had three more. No more screw ups. He set the bow into the arrow. England seemed to be in the most danger, so he aimed his fourth to final arrow at Russia; he needed to put an end to this. He pulled the string back, ready to release.

"What the hell is going on in here?" A firm voice sounded throughout the room, causing even Russia and America to stop what they were doing and look. Austria stood there, a half disgusted, a half 'what the hell?' expression on his face. "Russia… are you trying to rape England?"

"Rape? Of course not! What kind of lover would I be if I did that?" Russia replied, though England's face told a different story. Russia gently loosened his grip on England to get a better view at what was happening, opening his body up.

Cupid saw his chance. Russia was a large target. He could hit him with no problem now. He released the arrow he had kept poised, watching it with a relieved smile on his face. This would all be over soon-

"Ow!" Pause. "Austria, I love you."

-Or not.

_Seriously?! _Cupid looked at the situation with disbelief. Right as the arrow was drawing closer, Cupid had been filled with hope. But that hope was slowly diminished as he saw Lithuania. The boy taking advantage of Russia's distraction to rush forward to see if England was alright and help him get free. But just as he was passing by Russia, the arrow had struck the back of his shoulder, causing him to close his eyes and turn in pain. When he opened his eyes, the first person he saw had been Austria.

And that's when England was almost positive what was happening. He still couldn't see the baby, but he did know those golden sparkles. And three times when all three times resulted in the following phrase: 'I love you.' There was little doubt it was the Roman god.

"Lithuania! I demand that you stop this!" Austria was backing up as Lithuania advanced, his hand on Austria's chest, trailing it sensually.

"But… Austria, I need you. I need you to save me from Russia, he scares me," he neared, almost completely eliminating the space between their bodies, "Please take me!"

"What? Take you? Take you where?"

"No," Lithuania moved closer as he tilted his head up, kissing Austria on the lips. He whispered seductively, "Take me."

Austria's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as he shook his head, declining the offer. "I'm sorry Lithuania, but I can't return your feelings-"

"You might not now, but you will," he said softly, pulling Austria's hands towards his body, placing them around his waist, "Please, people say I'm easy to take advantage of, so take advantage of me."

"No, Lithuania, I won't do anything of the sort," Austria struggled to keep his composure as Lithuania moved forward, pressing himself against Austria, wrapping his arms around the country's neck.

"Please? At least kiss me, can you grant me that little favor?" Lithuania looked up at Austria with pleading eyes. Austria shook his head.

"I said no!"

Cupid looked at the mess. Things had just gone from bad to worse to absolutely horrible, and the only one standing idle was Estonia, and that probably wasn't because of lack of things to do, more like an idleness caused by pure confusion and disbelief.

America had gone back to kissing Latvia, moving down the country's lips and to his neck, sucking on his Adam's apple gently before moving up his neck once more. Russia had returned to England, pressing against his body as his hands now roamed over England's open chest.

"Russia… stop it… America! Get your bloody ass over here and help me!" England tried to call for him, but was silenced by Russia's lips on his.

Russia parted for just a moment as he whispered into England's ear, "Come on, England, don't you want to become one with Russia?"

Cupid pulled out another arrow. Determination etched in every bone in his little body. He was going to fix this. He was going to fix it dammit. He placed the arrow in the bow, aiming it once more. He was ready to fire before pausing. Maybe he should get closer to minimize chances of someone else running in? He quickly moved from his hiding spot, angling himself so that he could fire three arrows in rapid succession and hit all three targets. Sure there was risk of England seeing him, but England was going to 'become one with Russia' if he didn't do something soon.

The naked Valentine's baby stood firmly, pulling the string back, aiming straight for Russia. He fired it, taking out another arrow almost as soon as the first had left, aiming this one for America, firing it, then his hands gripped his last gold-headed arrow and he aimed it at Lithuania, firing the third and final arrow.

"Ow!"

"Ouch!"

"Ah!"

All three arrows hit their targets. Cupid grinned as he moved back to his hiding spot to double check that everything was right again. He watched Russia's hands drop from England's body, America pull away from Latvia's lips, and Lithuania just gasp, looking up at Austria.

"What just happened?" America backed away from Latvia, turning to the rest of the group.

"You were all under a spell, at least that's my guess," England said, stepping forward as he straightened his clothes and hair with a huff, shooting a look at Russia.

"A spell?" Lithuania turned.

"Yes, Cupid's spell."

America tilted his head, "Cupid? You mean that little naked baby who flies around on Valentine's day?"

"Cupid as in the Roman god."

"That's silly, Iggy," America chuckled.

"So you purposefully cheated on me with Latvia then?"

"Cheated on you? I didn't mean to do anything, and besides, don't you have to be with someone before you can cheat on them?"

"Don't you want to be together?"

"What?" America blinked.

"Just get over here and kiss me. I need to get the vodka taste out of my mouth."

Cupid watched, content from is spot as America obeyed England, taking him into his arms and kissing him softly. His eyes went over to Latvia who was shaking as Russia neared him, obviously not registering England's insult, and then he looked to Lithuania who was apologizing profusely to Austria.

Cupid stood triumphantly. He gazed at England and America, America now holding England tight. He crossed his arms with a grin. His wings spread, pumping the air once more as he flew upwards and out the open door of the conference room.

His work here was done.


End file.
